Jazzically Juxtaposed

voldemort heard about this “cybering” thing and thought he’d give it a try, but who would have known he’d run into an old “friend”?

bernose:

fuckyeahvoldemort:

omegleshit:

Connecting to server…

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: yo

You: hey

Stranger: 16 m us

You: 70, male, little hangleton

Stranger: like tom riddle little hangleton?

You: OH SHIT

You: BELLATRIX IS THAT U?

Stranger: sadly, no

You: fuck i thought i was going to get some hot action

You: do you have any idea how long it’s been since i’ve fucked anyone

Stranger: never?

You: i made wormtail get me a body so i could specifically bone some chicks

Stranger: you horny?

You: lord voldemort is always horny

Stranger: whats your cock like?

You: i don’t have one, it got singed off when i tried to kill harry potter

You: but when i had a body it was like

You: 20 inches

You: and not even when flaccid

Stranger: thats fitting i suppose

Stranger: so is voldemort bi?

Stranger: what guys do you like?

You: bad boys

You: like

You: death eaters

Stranger: oh yeah, that lucius, right?

You: nah man lucius is a pansy

Stranger: oh yah?

You: yeah for real i’m talking like

You: sirius black

You: i so wish i could’ve converted him

You: mmmm

Stranger: you ever wonder what harry’s cock is like?

You: well, yeah

You: i tried to fuck him in the graveyard but he fucking ran away from me

Stranger: hahahahaha

Stranger: theres a line in book six thats like

Stranger: “NO! ejaculated the sweaty slughorn” i laughed

You: yeah i know, i read that

You: like when i talked to slughorn

You: (mind you this was like 50 years ago when i still had a body and i was hot)

You: he was like

You: some old perv

You: so i wasn’t surprised

Stranger: yeah pretty much

Stranger: so does the dark lord jerk off? or did?

You: i got my death eaters to do it for me

You: when i had a dick

You: now i peruse omegle for love

Stranger: oh yes i see

You: would you do me?

You: like when i was young and shit

Stranger: probably not…. i mean i am spending my life trying to chip off pieces of your soul

Stranger: and training others too

You: no way

You: who is this?

Stranger: who do you think?

Stranger: you can call me alby

You: omg YOU

You: i’m so scared of you

Stranger: i know

You: like mano a mano, whenever you’re around im like

You: OMFG

You: like cream my pants i’m so scared

Stranger: exactly

You: man, though, like

You: past hatred aside for a sec

You: how you been?

Stranger: ive been pretty good tommie, prety good… i mean im going to die soon… but thats alright

Stranger: this is as they say, your party

You: fuck, why are you going to die?

You: i know i asked draco to do you in, but you weren’t supposed to know about that

Stranger: forget i said anything… lets just say i had a little accidnet with a certian stone

You: oh lol

You: hey dude

You: remember back in the day

You: when i tried to steal the sorcerer’s stone from you

Stranger: that was kind of pathetic

You: and like lodged myself on the back of quirrel’s head

You: i know lol

Stranger: soooooooo stupid

You: but i was young and reckless and the world was at my fingertips, you know?

Stranger: well i always wondered

Stranger: theres a part where people drink polyjuice potion to disguise themselves as harry potter

Stranger: and there are 7 of them

Stranger: and Jo is talking about them stripping off and changing robes

Stranger: well i would have like gone into the bathroom and checked myself out

You: LOL IKR?

You: i might hate harry for killing me and shit

You: but he has a fine ass

Stranger: yep

Stranger: so have you seen his cock or not?

You: sadly, no. quirrel did graze his crotch area, though, when he was trying to get the sorcerer’s stone from his pocket

You: and i was like

You: mmm

Stranger: mmm

You: but then he died

You: and i was like

You: son of a bitch

Stranger: man, all those times alone in my office

Stranger: shoulve seized them

You: god they were right within your grasp, mate

Stranger: the opportunites, not his cock

You: oh

You: right, yes.

You: the opportunities.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA etc.